Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
