at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize