I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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