so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
