On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
