how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
