Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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