I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
