Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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