can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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