i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
