Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize