ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
