she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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