I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They took my balls.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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