apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am naked and annoyed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
