Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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