I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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