Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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