ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
