her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
