You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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