Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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