apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
