Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
