At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
