I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
