I am puke
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
