you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My breasts were aching with rage.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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