Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
