Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
