She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
