My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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