"it" just moved
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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