ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
