out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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