if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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