My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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