I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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