you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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