are you still at the devil's house?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
