I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
