God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
