She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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