the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
