I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
