You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
