I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
