Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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