i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize