Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My vagina just recognized that song.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
