Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
