ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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