his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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