Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
