I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
