This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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