TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
