I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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