apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
