In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
