I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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