chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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