You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
