he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
