I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
