God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
